THE SUMMER OF 2012
Waiting for the Dutchman
Waiting for the Dutchman
150 x 100 cm
Oil on Canvas
2012
An encounter at the opera house before Der Fliegende Holländer. An experience that made me to review on myself, upon the meaning of value and my attitude about life.
An encounter at the opera house before Der Fliegende Holländer. An experience that made me to review on myself, upon the meaning of value and my attitude about life.
The Trumpeter by the Window
150 x 100 cm
Oil on Canvas
2012
The emotions brought to me by some melodies of Ennio Morricone and Nino Rota
Lights covered people’s faces, night covered the bustling city. And all what we cannot see were shrouded by the darkness. And in that moment the endless dream was embraced by heart, no more distance that cannot be crossed, no more isolation that cannot be broken, no more sensation that cannot be shared... Within music my mind has once again started to travel, fuzzy images appeared to me. Those places, faces, strange or familiar, blurry or clear, in past or future, in memories or imaginations, in reminiscence or desire. My heart had been drifting at the furthest range, but it returned safely; the world’ splendor had flashed by before my eyes, but it faded quietly and only silence been left behind. Once again I set up the sails at the lonesome sea. I saw my reflection in the dark water, such truthfulness has nowhere else to be found. As the thoughts bringing back the world into my mind, there’s no victory or success for an enriched life, but only content and happiness. -- 2012
The Carol
150 x 110 cm
Oil on Canvas
2012
The kind of life that I witness and experience, falseness hiding behind glamorous appearances which I grow to despise and pity.
The Carol
150 x 110 cm
Oil on Canvas
2012
The rain of that summer day flooded Beijing and revealed the unpleasant facts of many things going on here.
Waiting for the Dutchman, is one of my few works that include a figure of someone in my actual life. Andrea is a friend of mine, who I met in 2012, in Beijing. Once in a random conversation, I heard that he likes opera very much, especially the works of Verdi and Wagner. And just a few days later, Der Fliegende Holländer (The Flying Dutchman) was on stage, I went to watch it. And I ran into him right when I stepped into the opera house. He was sitting there, quietly waiting for the opera to begin. It was not a special occasion at all, but to me it was a very memorable moment. Here is why:
Oscar winner Chloé Zhao, a director who grew up in Beijing just like I did, was censored by the Chinese government this year, right around the time of her winning the big awards. Her name is banned on Chinese social media, only because in an old interview she once said that China is a place “where there are lies everywhere.” Only those who truly see through China would understand what she meant. Even fewer would speak out the truth. But yes, I know very well of the feeling, growing up in lies.
Everything you'd do, every word you'd say, every moment in your everyday life, you put on a show. It was the survival rule, as if the only reason for you to continue to breath, is to keep maintaining a certain appearance. As is that's the only thing allowed. As for feelings, thoughts... as for something called free will, they are never even considered as the elements of life. Everyone would deny them, your teachers, your parents, your superiors... Until you accept, that the meaning of existing is to be a part of this freak show of falseness.
At a younger age, every time me and my family went somewhere or did something, we had the intention to let those things or places to decorate our appearance. So when we walked into an opera house for example, a big part of our brains were not enjoying the performance, but enjoying the idea of being able to be classified as "classy and rich". You may say, well, this happens everywhere. I know, maybe the example is weak. But let me tell you, in a society of totalitarian, where there is no room for the growth of any individual quality, where even critical thinking is not allowed, where the nature of every relationship is basically controlling and obeying, eventually, people would tend to cave in the satisfactions they might receive being driven by greed, therefore, they would always cling on so tight to falseness, which would step in as the substitute of true value or happiness.
That day, in 2012, when I walked into the theater and saw Andrea, he was sitting there, simply because he likes Wagner, which, actually, should have always been the only reason for anyone to be sitting there, something hit me. I no longer want to be there for any reason else than the fact that I want to be there to enjoy the opera; I no longer want to spend another minute of my life pretending, rather than acknowledging what I truly appreciate, what I truly feel, because only then I would have a meaning and I would understand value and everything would start to make sense. How simple! However, I've missed it in the previous 20 years of my life!
Weeks later I made this painting. As if I was telling myself to remember to be real. Many people told me they liked the lighting or coloring of it. But for me this painting is significant in another way.
